The Love Part

In my novel, POP, I try to describe the love/hate relationship I had with an alcoholic parent. It was like living with two different people, not only drunk vs. sober, but love vs. hate. The sober Pop was such a cool guy. After my parents divorced, I missed my dad so much. When Pop entered our lives, I followed him everywhere. I tried to dress like him, dance like him, talk like him, and act like him. I quickly became his constant shadow, at least in the beginning when he was mostly sober. During this time, he was so patient. He didn’t mind me following him. He took the time to explain things to me and to teach me new things. He was generous in monetary and personal values as well as attention. I soaked up every ounce that I could. He would work and save money to buy my sister and I something new. He would play board games with us. He would take us fishing and camping. What meant the most to me, was he would let me sit by him on the couch, he would hold my hand, he would laugh with us, and he loved us. I believe he sincerely loved us and was grateful to be in our lives, but the drink was just too strong. The alcohol turned him into a horrible, violent, and mean person; a stranger. I remember thinking that if he had to drink, why couldn’t he just be one of those happy drunks? Why couldn’t he be one of those people that got all silly and laughed at everything? I didn’t understand why he would continue to drink when it made him angry and everyone miserable. I longed for his love and attention which slowly faded, once the need for alcohol took over. His cruelty when drunk destroyed all the good times, which seemed to diminish a little at a time, like the aroma of lilacs in the spring. It was a sweetness that traveled with the wind, enjoyed as quickly as it was gone. At first, it kept me searching for that tantalizing breeze wanting the gentle scent of tenderness from him. Later, I barricaded myself from the hurricane of hate that surrounded him and ripped our home apart. However, that seperation remained in my heart. I loved him and I hated him.

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1 Comment

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One response to “The Love Part

  1. rudy r roger

    its hard to write a comment to this one. the first thing that comes to me is a lonely feeling in my heart for the younger you. we should all remember how events in the house hold can have life long conditions on children.

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